The zodiac, demystified.
Aries - The whole world would be awestruck to know you’re wearing an Apple Vision Pro, except maybe the person you’re operating on.
Taurus - It’s not the Star Trek jumpsuits disorienting your colleagues, but that thing where you cut out the fabric to expose your hairy pits.
Gemini - You can’t get high off one hit on a Sprite can just minutes before your sister’s big wedding, but dadgummit, you’re gonna try.
Cancer - You can finally admit it. David Bryne dancing makes you physically nauseous.
Leo - Making out with a flag doesn’t necessarily mean you love that country, even if it did have your baby.
Virgo - Well, lucky you, you’re apparently the only one in a zillion people who gets utterly and unexpectedly chubby on Ozempic.
Libra - As the spaceship floated over the fire hydrant, you were filled with wonder about how they got the water in that hydrant.
Scorpio - As your blind date is pointing out between hurls, not everyone is a fan of your “natural odors.”
Sagittarius - You will begin to develop gills from sitting too long in the inflatable hot tub.
Capricorn - Your best friend may be a giant brain in a tank, but at least there’s no way he can steal your wife and house this time.
Aquarius - The Pantene Pro-V is really making a difference. Too bad you can’t show anyone your four-inch pubes.
Pisces - You almost fooled them, and you would’ve gotten away with egregious estate fraud, if you weren’t trying to sell a cardboard house.
![(each) PaytonZ [1g], J's](/rails/active_storage/representations/proxy/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6MTM4Mjc2MCwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--f82803e92c5331762ca91051506cdeda79ef2b86/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6eyJmb3JtYXQiOiJwbmciLCJyZXNpemUiOiI0NjIgeCAzMTUiLCJjb252ZXJ0Ijoid2VicCJ9LCJwdXIiOiJ2YXJpYXRpb24ifX0=--d7c54d32abcb6ca24ad06932a0e70673da4d7d48/1749238673_4c0b21f4-b9c6-42b7-a23e-9f2a991c7d8a.png "(each) PaytonZ [1g], J's")
![(each) Permanent Chimera [1g]](/rails/active_storage/representations/proxy/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6MTM4NDQ5NCwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--a10356ca33d00c6077fa3507157c24705a23a781/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6eyJmb3JtYXQiOiJqcGciLCJyZXNpemUiOiI0NjIgeCAzMTUiLCJjb252ZXJ0Ijoid2VicCJ9LCJwdXIiOiJ2YXJpYXRpb24ifX0=--4c2b017c858149e948c71bab98eeffb13053e24c/436468959_image.png "(each) Permanent Chimera [1g]")
![(each) The Soap [0.5g], Live Resin Cartridge](/rails/active_storage/representations/proxy/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6MTMxNzQ2MCwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--fa3bedf0e20b75e26bcc6130623b099311abe418/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6eyJmb3JtYXQiOiJwbmciLCJyZXNpemUiOiI0NjIgeCAzMTUiLCJjb252ZXJ0Ijoid2VicCJ9LCJwdXIiOiJ2YXJpYXRpb24ifX0=--d7c54d32abcb6ca24ad06932a0e70673da4d7d48/1736180615_6420ad25-fb00-491e-a806-a29273dbfdc1.png "(each) The Soap [0.5g], Live Resin Cartridge")
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