The zodiac, demystified.
Aries - The whole world would be awestruck to know you’re wearing an Apple Vision Pro, except maybe the person you’re operating on.
Taurus - It’s not the Star Trek jumpsuits disorienting your colleagues, but that thing where you cut out the fabric to expose your hairy pits.
Gemini - You can’t get high off one hit on a Sprite can just minutes before your sister’s big wedding, but dadgummit, you’re gonna try.
Cancer - You can finally admit it. David Bryne dancing makes you physically nauseous.
Leo - Making out with a flag doesn’t necessarily mean you love that country, even if it did have your baby.
Virgo - Well, lucky you, you’re apparently the only one in a zillion people who gets utterly and unexpectedly chubby on Ozempic.
Libra - As the spaceship floated over the fire hydrant, you were filled with wonder about how they got the water in that hydrant.
Scorpio - As your blind date is pointing out between hurls, not everyone is a fan of your “natural odors.”
Sagittarius - You will begin to develop gills from sitting too long in the inflatable hot tub.
Capricorn - Your best friend may be a giant brain in a tank, but at least there’s no way he can steal your wife and house this time.
Aquarius - The Pantene Pro-V is really making a difference. Too bad you can’t show anyone your four-inch pubes.
Pisces - You almost fooled them, and you would’ve gotten away with egregious estate fraud, if you weren’t trying to sell a cardboard house.
![(g) Black Jack Live Resin [.5g]](/rails/active_storage/representations/proxy/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6MTUzMDI5NSwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--1aecb3383992a4e2765046bb8239117b119549df/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6eyJmb3JtYXQiOiJqcGVnIiwicmVzaXplIjoiNDYyIHggMzE1IiwiY29udmVydCI6IndlYnAifSwicHVyIjoidmFyaWF0aW9uIn19--ec16dfdba4bfa2885716a685324bbb155d297de3/9dd834d7-5fb5-43ac-8a63-fb6be3cdd2f9.jpeg "(g) Black Jack Live Resin [.5g]")
![(1/2 g) Axilla [.85g]](/rails/active_storage/representations/proxy/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6MTU0NTYyMiwicHVyIjoiYmxvYl9pZCJ9fQ==--ff3fb563210e1299002e650651e14c3bd19dc328/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsiZGF0YSI6eyJmb3JtYXQiOiJqcGciLCJyZXNpemUiOiI0NjIgeCAzMTUiLCJjb252ZXJ0Ijoid2VicCJ9LCJwdXIiOiJ2YXJpYXRpb24ifX0=--4c2b017c858149e948c71bab98eeffb13053e24c/441535667_07c17d0c-5316-4d59-a2bc-4f37bbec4de5.png "(1/2 g) Axilla [.85g]")
Sign up now
